What do I want?

So Lenny has been on my case to post something. And I’ve been meaning to but nothing witty, brilliant and bright was coming to me. So… back when I thought I would be a journalist, I put together this article. Unfortunately, it turns out I waited too long to get it published. So, coming at you in two parts (here's part I; I'll post the second part from Mexico!), for you, my global family, here is my article that never was….

Marriage, Faith, and Rock n’ Roll
Earlier this year, a friend and I went to our first Kutless concert. While we’ve both been fans of their music for some time, neither of us knew all that much about the band. So, the Friday before the concert, we both slacked off at our respective jobs to visit the Kutless website.
Our reactions to it were pretty much the same.
Her email: Did you notice that everyone in the band is kind of young?
My email: Yes. Did you notice that they’re all married and got married when they were 12? Except the drummer. He’s not married. He’s four.
Her email: I know! And the drummer? I’m sure he’s got married. They just haven’t had time to update the website.
Our emails- no doubt, seem strange. Especially since, as far as I know, no one in Kutless got married at twelve and all the guys in the band- including Jeffrey Gilbert, the drummer, are in their 20s. But really, if you’re single, of a certain age, and go to churches where everyone tries to marry you off, this is how you too will think.
The night of the concert, halfway through Disciple’s set my friend leaned over and whispered, “I’ve been checking and so far all the guys have wedding rings on!”
It was, for me, a Bonnie Tyler moment (for those of you not familiar with the great Ms. Tyler, think of the fairy godmother’s number in Shrek II). Where have all the good men gone? Well Bonnie, I don’t know about all good men but I’m starting to think that all the Christian men got married. And apparently, most of them did it before they hit twenty-two.
I became a Christian at twenty-four. While I’ve had moments where I’ve wished my walk with Christ started in childhood, for the most part, I don’t question God’s timing. But at that concert, it suddenly struck me that most of the Christian men I know, either personally or from their ministry, the ones who love Christ first and everything else second, the ones who seem to truly desire God’s will in their lives, all those guys- at least the ones around my age- are already married.
Logically, I know there must be single guys my age or older who have made Christ their first priority. It’s just that I don’t know any of them. I don’t need to marry a God-lovin’ rock star (although in my pre-salvation days when my friends and I made up lists of the guys we had to date before we died, rock star, guy with motorcycle, British accent man, and Bon Jovi (I’m from New Jersey) were my top picks). I would, however, like to marry a man who glows in the dark with his love for Christ.
But what if there’s no one like that for me?
As a Christian, I know I’m supposed to leave my worries with God. I tried a lot of things to do just that. I took some practical steps- like reading the Bible and looking at books by Christian writers on marriage, knowing God’s will and singleness- and some not-so-practical steps that are slightly mortifying to admit- like writing letters to my nonexistent spouse. In the end, while everything I did was helpful, none gave me the peace that came from doing what I should have done from the start which was talk to God.
For me, talking to God required first being honest with myself and asking a fundamental question: do I want marriage more than a closer relationship with God?
No was the first answer that popped into my head but then I got thinking and realized maybe it's not that easy...